This week has been a mixed bag. I’ve not failed in my words but in the goals I’ve set for myself outside of that…yeah. Also, coffee is the best drug ever. OK, fine, that title actually applies to penicillin, but whatever. Coffee Rocks.
So, without further procrastination…let’s look back at the week that has passed.
character studies happened. Journal style.
So, this is Jim.
I’m supposed to say hi and all that other bullshit, but isn’t that just so dull? It’s so predictable. All the books I’ve read say that that’s kind of the point, that people don’t need to run around all day guessing what’s going to happen next. They need some sort of frame of reference and structure to keep them sane or something stupid like that. I just don’t see it myself.
Isn’t it obvious to the other person that you’re aware they’re there? Why do you need to say “Hi” and ask how they are? Can’t you just tell by the way they look? Are people really that stupid and unobservant?
Like this kid in my class today. It was obvious something was up the moment he came in, but the teacher just scalded him for being late and turned him down the aisle towards his seat. He didn’t even notice when the boy flinched away from the touch.
I suppose that’s why we have such an abuse problem in this country. When the people in charge have observational skills like that, what do we mortals have to fear? The kid looks strong though. Maybe I’ll tell him what to do to fix the issue. The teacher sure as hell isn’t going to.
Is this what I’m supposed to be writing about? Shit like that? Help me get in touch with that little dysfunctional empathy switch that’s in my head? I’m supposed to feel sorry for the kid right? Maybe a bit of anger towards the teacher for not helping him out? Well I don’t.
Yeah I’m angry at the teacher but I’m not angry because he didn’t help the boy, I’m angry because he didn’t do his job. His incompetence offends me. His stupidity makes me want to shake him. As for the kid. Well all I feel towards him is mild curiosity. He looks like he could be someone useful to know. His clothing is rich and he’s going to have muscles in a few years if he keeps working out. It would be beneficial for me to get to know him. That’s the only reason I’d have for talking to him.
Apologies if that offends your delicate sensibilities Mrs Therapist Lady or whoever’s reading and analysing this. I’m not a killer don’t worry. I’m not someone who fantasises about taking people apart or wonders what the inside of the fluffy kitten next door looks like. I have google for those questions after all. No, my fantasies are filled with people who can actually keep up with my thoughts, who don’t do moronic things all the time and who actually listen to the endless stream of dribble that flows from their idiotic little mouths.
What makes me smile? The idea that one day I’ll be in charge, that I’ll build a world in which the sheep are no longer trampling all over the wolves. The meek shall not inherit the Earth if I have anything to say about it.
So there Mr or Mrs Therapist, there’s my journal entry for today. Let’s see what you make of it. I already know what I’d say if I were in your shoes.
There have been days of contemplation
I need a hobby outside of writing.
It’s something that’s started to become obvious over the past few weeks. I need something to stimulate my mind and help relax me enough to let the story’s flow, beyond my 200 words. I think I’m getting a bit too wound up and anxious about things. I know avoiding it is not the way forwards, and that is not what I’m looking to do here, but I need something else as well as the writing. Otherwise I just end up mindlessly clicking through Youtube. Which is never good for anyone.
I think drawing would be good for me to pick up again. I haven’t really physically drawn anything since I was 18, so stretching those creative brain muscles again would be good. I can also listen to books whilst I work, so I’ll take in stories as well as create pretty things, which in turn will aid my writing.
I used to be very good at drawing, so picking up that skill again will be nice. I in no way expect to be as good as I was, but I kind of look forward to seeing my progress.
It’s a hopeful thought.
And then the Hormones struck.
I haven’t written anything today, besides these 200 words.
I can say it’s because I was distracted by friends and family, or that I did do a lot of research. Which is all true…
But I was distracted because I let myself and I was doing research to put off writing.
I was pretty happy despite it all though. Then 7pm hit and my brain exploded into a pile of crazy. Like full on shouting at the screen of the computer and anyone or anything that was in my way crazy.
I had a mild case of the over thinking jitters until I realised that I’m due to start my period soon so I’m probably rather hormonal.
It was just so sudden. I just felt so overwhelmed and I couldn’t have predicted the reaction I had. The sudden outburst of frustration and annoyance that spewed forth from me was truly impressive.
But I’m OK now. I’m off to bed soon too, so that should help.
Tomorrow shall be a good day.
I’m not going to show you what I wrote about the damned postman that decided they weren’t going to knock on our door to deliver our package…despite being able to hear us on the other side of it.
That shall remain between myself and the page.
I have a medium article to write this week and a chapter to finish. Screw hormones. I shall write on!